Deep Emotion [ dearka x yzak ]

Fanfiction
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Things He Said

By: Ember

moenokori@gmail.com

For mon kumquat, da Nada. XD;; You're the best friend I could ever ask for! I hope this random Dearka/Yzak fluff makes your V-Day special. ^_^

---

Valentine's Day had always been a point of aggravation for Yzak.

It wasn't for any particular reason, other than the fact that he'd always spent it alone, and that something bad always seemed to happen to him. When he was six, he'd gotten the measles. When he was fourteen, he'd fallen down some stairs and broken his arm. At eighteen he'd learned to be more cautious, but he'd still managed to choke on a bit of dinner that night, only to have Dearka give him the Heimlich; which inevitably sent the large chunk of half chewed crab meat flying straight into Athrun Zala's face.

He cringed at the memory.

Athrun had gotten him back for that one.

At his present age of twenty-one, he felt quite skittish about the holiday. Everything bad that could happen to a person in one day had, short of being burned alive.

Still...

Watching the way couples clung to one another, gazing dreamily into one another's eyes made him a little heartsick. Would he ever find someone special to cling to? To look forward to spending this holiday with?

Probably not.

He'd reserved himself to being alone at a very young age. He wasn't popular like Athrun, or needy like Kira...or even mouthy like Dearka. He was the tiniest bit bitter toward the world, about a lot of things, he wouldn't deny it. But was he not warranted to have someone to love, too?

He paused at a window display full of chocolates. Huge foil boxes shaped like hearts lined the inside of the shop, and he wondered briefly what it would be like to get something like that from someone.

Nice probably.

He set his mouth in a firm line and made his way into the shop. He emerged some five minutes later, carrying one of the biggest boxes of chocolates they'd had. Just because he didn't have someone to give him chocolates didn't mean he couldn't give them to himself. The man behind the counter had carried on about how his special someone was very lucky to have someone as giving as he was, and Yzak hadn't cared enough to inform the man that they were for himself.

Would have been funny, though, just to see his fat draw drop open.

The ex-Duel pilot smirked at the thought.

He hurried home, half so he could eat his chocolate, and half to avoid anything disastrous happening. He was quite surprised to hear music playing from within his apartment, and equally surprised to find Dearka, his roommate, lounging mopeily on the couch.

"What're you doing here?" he asked, toeing off his shoes.

"Thanks. It's nice to see you, too."

Yzak frowned. "You know what I mean."

"I know."

Yzak placed his chocolates on the nearby counter.

"And...what are you LISTENING to?"

"...Frank Sinatra..."

Yzak raised one fine eyebrow.

"WHAT? I happen to LIKE him!"

"O...kay..."

"HEY! Hey I know that look! What's wrong with liking Frank Sinatra?"

"Nothing. It's just not something I would have pegged you liking Mr. Hardcore."

Dearka visibly deflated. "Oh."

Yzak turned to hang up his coat. He heard Dearka raise from the couch, be didn't bother to turn around. He knew the other man was inspecting the chocolates he'd brought home.

"Who're these for?"

Yzak shrugged.

"Can I have some?"

"Sure. You can have the coconuts."

"GROSS. Man, I hate coconuts."

"Quit bitching!" the light haired man snapped. Dearka grinned lopsidedly.

"Feeling pissy? I know how much you hate V-Day."

Yzak growled, his composure gone. "Just take some chocolate and go away. I don't feel like talking."

"We don't have to talk. Come on...let's watch a movie."

"A movie?"

"Yeah, I'm sure they have something romantic playing. You make popcorn and I'll find us one."

Yzak frowned, annoyed at having to be the one to make popcorn, but eventually he decided that being angry at Dearka for something the other man had no control over would get him no where.

"Fine," he relented, and the blonde man gave a small whoop as he grabbed the chocolates from the counter and bounded back toward the couch. The music stop play a second later, replaced by the noise of Dearka flipping through channels.

Yzak sighed and dug into their cabinets to find the popcorn.

---

Dearka had settled on a subtitled version of What Dreams May Come. Yzak hadn't had much trouble getting interested in it – it was so visually lush, and the story line was so gut wrenchingly hard and real that'd he'd found it fascinating. Dearka had made a running commentary through most of it, half serious, half mocking, and very much so entertaining. Yzak would never admit it, but Dearka was quite intelligent when he wanted to be.

When it'd ended, the light haired man had found, much to his embarrassment, that a few tears were leaking from the corners of his eyes. The blonde beside him had taken an instant notice, but he hadn't the heart to tease his friend. Yzak didn't cry unless there was a very, very, VERY good reason.

"You okay?" he asked, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"..." Yzak gave a soundless nod.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"It might make you feel better."

"It might."

"So...?"

"Will you leave me alone if I do?"

Dearka gave a slight shrug, meaning he might...if he found the answer deserving enough.

"I just feel...lonely is all."

"Lonely?"

Yzak nodded curtly.

"That's it? You're lonely?"

"YEAH! Christ, Dearka, if you've noticed it or not, but it's not like I've had something special before."

"Like WHAT?"

Yzak motioned desperately toward the now blank television screen.

"Like...? Yzak...I never thought you as the romantic type."

"You know what? It's stupid talking to you." He stood and made a grab for the empty popcorn bowl and the half-eaten chocolates.

Dearka latched onto his wrist.

"Hey, don't be like that. I wasn't making fun of you. I was just trying to understand."

"Let me go, damnit! You couldn't understand!" He jerked his arm free and turned to go into the kitchen, fuming all the way. To think he'd actually expected Dearka to grasp how he felt.

"Fuck...Yzak," the blonde followed after him. "would you just TALK to me? I didn't mean to make this into a fight."

"Well you DID. So just leave me alone."

"If you're lonely man, you can tell me. I promise. I won't laugh."

"Shut up! Just SHUT UP. I told you I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Dearka made a furious motion and pinned the other man against the counter, feeling, despite himself, like he wanted nothing more than to beat Yzak's very head in.

"You know what your problem is, Yzak? You've got it into your head that you're some kind of special case – that whatever the hell happened to you hurts more than anyone else can understand. You know what? THAT'S BULLSHIT. Everyone gets lonely, hear? EVERYONE."

"Fine," Yzak made a point of not looking at his friend, "I'm sorry I was being difficult."

"DAMNIT! You're not listening!"

"What do you want me to say, Dearka? You're the one that pushed the issue."

Dearka growled. "Because I worry about you! I worry that you're lonely, anyone can see it, and I hate seeing you sad! I want...I don't want you to be..." the blonde turned away roughly.

"Dearka?"

"Can't you see how much I care about you?" the blonde whispered softly, looking the other man directly in the eyes. Had Dearka not had him pinned to the counter, Yzak had the distinct impression that he'd have fallen to the floor.

That look...what...what was it?

"What are you trying to say?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm...not sure."

"IDIOT! You're being difficult again."

"Then explain it to me, Dearka, because I don't understand. What is it that I'm not seeing?"

Silence passed between them. The blonde man inclined his head slightly, paused, as if thinking about it, and then descended the rest of the way, sealing his lips firmly over Yzak's.

And to his credit, Yzak took the whole thing rather well. His initial instinct was to give Dearka his right hook, or at least knee him between the legs. But when his friend pulled away, a million different emotions flashing in his eyes before settling on one – desperation – he didn't have the heart to yell at him. Or even be angry. Because in that instant he understood two things.

One, was that he hadn't spent Valentine's Day alone, and two, was that what he had been wanting all his life was standing right there before him, had always been there...and he'd just been too wrapped up in his own petty insecurities and short comings to notice it.

He shoved away from the counter and caught Dearka around the middle, sending them both crashing to the floor.

The blonde man gave him a very confused look.

"Yzak-?"

"Let's get one thing straight," the light haired man said, straddling Dearka's hips, "if we do this...we do it for real, understand? No half-way. If I'm going to give you something as important as my feelings, I expect them to be treasured."

"Whaa?"

"I'm saying don't make an ass out of yourself."

"Oh."

"OH? That's all you've got to say?"

"Umm..."

Yzak sighed. "Never mind."

"NO! No! I...I get it." Dearka grinned widely. "I get it completely."

Yzak nodded. "Good."

He made to move off the other man, but Dearka caught him about the waist.

"You're sure?" he asked, hating himself for it, but knowing he had to. He couldn't live with himself if he didn't.

"I'm very sure. You've always been there for me...and I...I've always been too blind to notice you for what you could offer."

"And what's that?"

Yzak sighed. "Solace. Peace."

"Happiness?"

"That, too."

They stared at one another for a moment, intent on memorizing the other's face and expression in the instant in perfect detail, before Yzak finally climbed off Dearka and helped him to his feet.

"Does this mean I can kiss you again?" the blonde man asked, and Yzak cut him a look, embarrassment coloring his features.

"I suppose."

"Can we try it again right now?"

"...okay."

Dearka didn't need further encouragement. He was across the kitchen and against Yzak in an instant, pulling the other man's slight figure flush against his own.

Yzak sunk into the feelings his friend was unlocking from within him, and figured, as he tangled his fingers in Dearka's thick blonde hair, that he'd finally found something to enjoy about Valentine's Day.

~ owari