Secret Santa
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Thirty Days and Counting
By Jennie (abarero) for Tara (yzak)
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It had been thirty days (not that Yzak had counted them) since he'd last seen Dearka. And given how rushed those moments aboard the Archangel were, the details were becoming fuzzier as the days passed.
Sure, Yzak swore he remembered their brief conversation exactly. But as the number of days since then increased, he had to admit he was doubting his memory. Sulkily pacing in the living room- as he'd taken to doing since day thirty ticked by- Yzak tried to replay it in his mind to make sure there wasn't something he had indeed forgotten.
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The hatch of Buster managed to open and at that moment he'd almost fled. Problem was, Duel was in pretty bad shape and would need at least a few fast repairs to get him back to the ZAFT ships safely.
Otherwise, Yzak reassured himself, he would be long gone. He still wasn't even sure why he was on the enemy ship to begin with.
"Yzak?" A familiar voice called out as a light tapping sounded on the outside of Duel's cockpit.
Oh yes- that was why he was here.
Mustering up a good scowl and forcefully reminding himself that he was still supposed to be mad at Dearka, Yzak opened his hatch.
"Hey," Dearka said casually, his smile awkward as if he was waiting for Yzak to make the first move. He was met with an icy silence.
"Um...thanks, for- for everything back there," Dearka spoke after a moment's hesitation.
"I see your injury wasn't severe enough to kill off all your manners," Yzak quipped back. Dearka's tense smile eased a bit.
"Sorry you had to get involved. I know you'd rather be elsewhere," Dearka commented quietly, gesturing about to the Archangel's interior.
"I'd rather you were elsewhere, that's all," Yzak retorted, only afterwards realizing what he'd said.
Dearka's eyes widened a moment, finally smiling sincerely. Extending his hand out, he cleared his throat, "You'll have to wait at least a few minutes while they do a minor repair or two. It wouldn't be safe for you to try and return to your fleet like this."
Yzak knew what taking that hand meant. It meant admitting he missed Dearka. It meant admitting that perhaps he didn't consider this ship as much of an enemy as he once did. In short, it meant admitting he was wrong.
"I can take care of myself, Dearka. I've been doing just fine without Zala or you around to baby-sit me," He snapped, pushing himself out of the cockpit on his own and heading for an area clear of any of the Archangel crew.
Dearka winced at the words, but as if it was an instinct, he followed Yzak anyways. The silver haired pilot crossed his arms and came to an abrupt stop, causing Dearka to almost run right into him. Yzak whipped around to face him.
"Dearka, you don't have to follow me."
"I know."
They both knew quite well what was going on in each other's mind- but right now, both of them were too prideful to admit a single word of it.
"I missed you."
"It's been horrible without you."
"I might have overreacted a bit when I pulled that gun on you."
"It's okay, I'm sorry too."
"I was just doing what I was trained to do."
"I still think I did the right thing, but I didn't mean to hurt you in the process."
"I tried to forget you- but I can't."
"I've tried to move on- but I can't."
"I guess what I'm trying to say is..."
"But aside from all that, what's important now is..."
"...I need you."
"...we're together again."
The awkward silence passed, the time seeming to come to a halt as they stood there facing each other. Glancing back towards Duel, Yzak realized that the crew had done all the repairs he needed and he could now leave.
"I should go..."
He turned; ready to walk forward without looking back; but Dearka grabbed his wrist.
"I'll come back, just...give me time," He rushed out.
Yzak stared at him for a moment.
"Wait for me?" Dearka whispered; his tone raw.
The moments ticked by, slower and slower, until Yzak finally replied.
"Okay," He murmured, a faint hint of a smile alighting on his lips, "But remember I'm not a patient person."
Dearka smiled back, "I know."
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For thirty days Yzak had been patient (well, as patient as Yzak could be) figuring that if Dearka had returned right away that was basically like walking up to the council and saying "Hi, I'm a traitor. Please execute me."
But now with the new Chairman hastily appointed into place and at least two weeks worth of broadcasts by Dullindal assuring any wayward soldiers that they would be pardoned; and there was still no sign of Dearka. He didn't have a single excuse.
And when he wasn't in meetings as a Representative listening to the droning on of the council, Yzak could be found at his house trying to act as if he wasn't waiting for anyone in specific to arrive. His mother had gotten concerned about day fifteen, but was wise enough to keep it to herself. She could see how hard Yzak was trying to deny his feelings about Dearka and figured it was best to let her son sort things out on his own.
With a knowing smile, Ezaria would pass Yzak in the living room each day where he paced back and forth by the windows; usually muttering curses laced with Dearka's name.
The days came and went, and before Yzak knew it- it was forty days and counting. And as the forty-fifth day rolled around; Yzak's mind began to do just what his Mother had suspected it would.
She'd noticed it first thing that morning on finding Yzak staring oddly at his breakfast. After a few moments had passed, he posed a question.
"Mother, do you think I've been acting strange?"
Ezaria gave him a slight smile, "You've just returned from a very stressful service in the ZAFT military; it's only natural that your daily schedule is awkward now that you aren't fighting every day."
He frowned, seeming to contemplate that, before muttering back, "I think I'm going crazy."
It was painfully obvious what the real problem was here and everyone but Yzak could probably see it too. So deciding it was a Mother's duty to give him a nudge in the right direction, Ezaria made a casual reply as she stood to leave the room, "You just miss Dearka, that's all it is. You're not crazy."
And as she turned the corner to leave, she heard the distinct 'thunk' of Yzak's spoon dropping from his hand and she knew she'd hit the nail on the head. Now, it was up to Yzak to think himself through the rest.
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The forty-sixth day came and Yzak cursed Dearka for putting him in this situation. Surely, it was all
his fault that Yzak felt so out of sorts.
On the forty-seventh day, he inwardly cursed himself on realizing this is what he got for getting involved with the blonde man in the first place. If he'd done as usual and ignored him, then this would have never happened.
On the forty-eighth day, Yzak begrudgingly admitted that it would have been impossible for him to have ever ignored Dearka. This brought him to the conclusion that he was doomed to slowly be driven insane by the man's lack of a grasp on time.
On the forty-ninth day, Yzak tried to call Dearka's house. Twice. Each time he hung up abruptly after a single ring and started cursing at "stupid Elthmans" and their "stupid promises."
On the fiftieth day, he tried to call again. After slamming down the phone, Yzak stormed out of the room in a full angry tirade, half-expecting a certain person to follow him and try to calm him down. It was only when he was in his room alone that he acknowledged that Dearka wasn't there to follow him anymore.
On the fifty-first day, Yzak thought back to all the times Dearka had followed him, wishing he could tell Dearka face to face how much that single gesture had always meant to him.
On the fifty-second day, he thought about how Dearka always went out of his way to agree with him on everything.
On the fifty-third day, he wondered how many people were lucky enough to have a friend that devoted.
On the fifty-fourth day, Yzak thought back to the sickening feeling he'd gotten when Dearka was reported MIA.
On the fifty-fifth day, he realized he'd had that same sickening feeling when he found out the one piloting Buster with the Archangel was Dearka all along.
On the fifty-sixth day, Yzak replayed the events of that encounter through his mind and downright regretted some of his behavior. Yes, he was mad at Dearka- but it wasn't because it was a traitor. It was because Dearka had left him all alone.
On the fifty-seventh day, he laughed a bit to himself on noticing that despite the fact they were supposed to have been enemies- he and Dearka couldn't keep from helping each other out even then.
On the fifty-eighth day, Yzak thought about when he'd met Dearka. When they were in training together. Their time on the Klueze team. Their time as enemies. And all the emotions that came with those memories.
On the fifty-ninth day, he began to wonder if this was what "being in love" equated to. The crazy emotional ups and downs. The frustration. The loneliness. The whole dramatics of it. It just seemed like something out of one of those war-romance movies his Mother used to watch.
On the sixtieth day, Yzak contemplated if it was possible to love someone you currently had a strong urge to strangle, maim and otherwise do bodily harm to. He attributed this violent streak to the fact that his patience was never meant to extend to two months.
On the sixty-first day, Ezaria and Yzak had a talk. This led to the statement, "If you're getting this worked up about him, then he has to mean something very important to you," by Ezaria. Yzak found he couldn't really argue it.
On the sixty-second day, Yzak- after many subconscious attempts to squash the notion of it- muttered a simple "I think I love him."
On the sixty-third day, he cursed himself profusely for falling in love with such an idiot.
On the sixty-fourth day, Yzak had a dream the night before that positively silenced any part of his conscious's attempts to deny his feelings. He then started yelling at Dearka for turning him into a pervert.
On the sixty-fifth day, the Chairman called Yzak into his office. At first, he wasn't sure why the Chairman had asked to see him; but the moment Gilbert spoke one name, Yzak became attentive.
"I wanted to talk to you about your former comrade, Dearka Elthman."
"Sir?"
"He's approached the council for a pardon of his transgression and I wanted to speak to you- as a former teammate of his and as one of our current council members about his case."
Suppressing the stupid grin that was trying to edge its way to the surface of his face at the news Dearka was back, Yzak frowned and cleared his throat. Yes, he told himself, Dearka was back. And once he saw him, Yzak swore- he'd kick his ass for making him wait so damned long.
Composing himself, Yzak told the Chairman all the information he wished to know about "Mr. Elthman." And despite how angry Yzak had been with Dearka about the situation, he found that he couldn't say a single negative word about the man now.
On the sixty-sixth day, Yzak spotted Dearka walking down a far hallway with guards escorting him. He'd frozen up and had just started to move a foot in that direction when Shiho casually tapped him on the shoulder and politely said, "You can chase him down if you want, but I'm not sure how it would look to all the other council members if you're all over a man on trial as a traitor in that way."
"What do you mean?" Yzak asked, his mind blissfully not letting itself process any of those implications.
Shiho simply cleared her throat and replied, "I'm sorry to assume, Sir, about you and Mr. Elthman. But I could tell from how you've been acting that you two were very close."
At that, Yzak realized he might as well have written "I love the dumbass known as Dearka Elthman" on his forehead and it would have been less obvious than his behavior as of late.
On the sixty-seventh day, he realized that the stupid saying about "absence making the heart grow fonder" was true. Thinking back over the days that had passed, even he could no longer deny that somewhere along the line- he'd fallen in love with the man.
On the sixty-eighth day, Yzak found himself once again in the Chairman's office. Dullindal went on and on about various procedures and necessary steps to be taken. Basically it all came down to paperwork, but in short- Dearka was back, appointed as a bodyguard along with Shiho to Yzak, and the closest to a punishment he'd face was a drop in rank.
"I know how much you'd love to see him right now, but we still have a few minor things to smooth out to assure his safety," Gilbert assured Yzak as he left the office.
Walking down the hall, and thinking Dullindal's choice of words there a bit odd, Yzak began to wonder if everyone around him knew how he felt for Dearka long before he did.
Now, all he had to do was wait until Dearka was given the clear to see him.
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Dearka, on the other hand, had been caught in a whirlwind of emotions himself. The apprehension he had on returning to the PLANTs, the chance that he might be severely punished for what he'd done, and worst of all- the fact he'd promised Yzak he'd come back over thirty days before.
After finalizing all the paperwork, he'd been called in to meet with the new Chairman. Chairman Dullindal assured him that at most he might have his redcoat status taken away once the peace-talks were over and the council had more time to deal with his specific case. But other than that, Gilbert assured him, he was welcomed back not only to PLANTs but as a valuable asset to the ZAFT military.
That discussion had quelled his nerves about everything but one little problem; specifically a little problem that went by the name of Yzak.
Figuring it was best to get it over first thing in the morning, Dearka drove to Yzak's house. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and thought back to the last few words he'd exchanged with Miriallia.
"You're nervous about seeing him again? Why? You love him and he's alive. Some of us don't have that opportunity- but you do."
He'd hugged her then, thanking her and telling her to call if she ever needed anything. Miriallia had just smiled back at her odd friend and wished him good luck.
Opening his eyes, Dearka realized he would need some of that good luck right then and there.
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Yzak was not happy. Then again, most people weren't that pleasant when woken up early by a sharp knock on the front door and Yzak wasn't exactly "Mr. Cheerful" to begin with. Groggily, he made his way to the door and answered it- finding himself face to face with a certain blonde young man.
"Is this a bad time?" Dearka said nervously on seeing Yzak's scowl. He was trying so hard not to laugh at Yzak's pink pajamas, figuring that the last thing he needed now was to deal with an angry Yzak who'd been woken up too early and who'd just had his nightwear mocked.
Yzak took a step forward and Dearka braced himself for everything from a verbal lash out to a punch or shove. But none of those ever came.
Peeking an eye open, Dearka noticed that Yzak had moved closer- just far enough away that he didn't quite touch him. As he observed him, he noticed Yzak's lips mouthing a few words.
"I missed..."
"I'm sorry..."
"I l-l..."
Dearka eyes widened on catching the last of those unspoken sentiments. Finding that he couldn't hold back any longer himself, he stepped forward and pulled Yzak into an embrace.
"...I missed you," He murmured, feeling Yzak's tense posture relax against his chest.
"You're late," Yzak weakly retorted, trying to muster up some anger, "It's been sixty-nine days, you know."
"Hey now!" Dearka protested with a smirk, "Don't try and imply that I was holding out on you just so I could show back up on day sixty-nine. It's a pure coincidence, I swear!"
Yzak took a step back and glared at Dearka. Meanwhile, his subconscious duly noted,
"Well I guess there's your answer about how he feels for you."
Both standing there awkwardly, the silence began to grate on Yzak's nerves. Without thinking much ahead of himself, he spoke up, "Close your eyes."
Dearka blinked a moment before shrugging and doing so.
Letting his impulsive idea take over, Yzak pressed a quick kiss to Dearka's lips. As he pulled back, he rushed out a barely audible whisper, "I'msorry.Imissedyou.Iloveyou," before yelling, "And don't you ever say something stupid and perverted like that around me again!"
The blonde man stood in shock, slowly allowing what had just occurred to sink into his brain. Laughing a bit to himself at finding out he wasn't the only one that had fallen hard while they were apart, Dearka smirked.
"Hey Yzak, can you do me a favor?"
"What?" He snapped warily.
"Hit me."
"Wha-why?"
Dearka outright grinned then, "Because if I just heard you correctly and I just got kissed by you, then I've got to be dreaming. I figured a dream that crazy would need more than pinch to prove it."
Yzak scowled, lightly punching Dearka in the arm, "Shut up. It's all your fault."
"Oh? How's that?"
"I-It...it just is!" He stammered back, face starting to tinge red.
Reaching out, Dearka placed a hand on Yzak's shoulder; his expression turning serious.
"Look, I'm not going to leave you again, okay?"
Sounding slightly touched, Yzak muttered back, "So I'm stuck with you?"
Dearka shrugged, "Looks like you're stuck with me forever."
Yzak's lips quirked upward into a teasing smile at that, casually grabbing Dearka's wrist and leading him inside.
"Lucky me," He muttered sarcastically.
"Don't you think 'lucky' might be an understatement? I'm quite the catch, wouldn't you say?"
Looking over his shoulder, Yzak glared. Dearka just laughed. Things were back to normal, or at least, to their kind of normal.
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After that, the two had managed to small talk their way into the living room; and once there, the heavier subjects came to light. They discussed what had happened, apologized in times where they felt they'd done something to upset the other and came to a mutual agreement that what was done was done and it was time to move on. Dearka joked that all these council meetings had taught Yzak some patience, Yzak countered that he had to learn to be patient so he didn't kill Dearka for taking so long to get his lazy ass back to the PLANTs.
So when the Earth-PLANT peace talks started, a new yet familiar face was seen following behind Yzak as he went to the meetings. And thanks to their own 'peace talks,' Dearka and Yzak had moved on past the rough patch in their lives and were now working towards the future, one day at a time.
